A OneNote Entry – March 10, 2012

Well I had to really rest up have driving for 2.5 hours being at the dr for about 2.5 hours and then driving home for about 2.5 hours. That was a long, hard, painful and exhausting day! I am certainly glad it is behind me. The Dr was great as was in office staff, they were very kind and caring and really took the time with you. I talked to the Dr first then he did the exam, the we talked some more.

He said that the mesh was too tight around my muscles, ligaments and nerves and that the mesh was actually bunched up. He said that during the exam and this hurt like all get out that he could pull on the mesh. He said that he was not sure why but when they repaired my vaginal vault prolapse they did so with double mesh. He said that he did not think the TVTO was causing the problems because the pain in my legs are in the back and outsides area and not in the inside area and I am not sore in the side area either. He has suggested removing the anterior and posterior vaginal mesh and possible removing the TVT-O, he said it depends on what things look like when they get in there that sometime the mesh are all tied together and he has to remove it. He said he has to remove all the mesh plus all the sutures that are there.

He did say that if I had any nerve damage he can’t say if this will ease my pain or even make it go away, or allow me to be able to sit, stand and walk without pain or if I will be able to have sex. It depends on the nerves that were damaged and it could take up to 6 months before we know for sure. But he said I basically had 2 options, I could continue in this horrific pain I am in now and do or try nothing or I could take my chances on the surgery and hope for the best.Either decision scares me so I don’t really feel like I have much of a choice so we are going forward with the surgery. First thing first we have to get insurance to approve it. The Dr is out of network and we have to get in network approval first so they are working on that so it is a waiting game at this point. I also have to get medical clearance from my Dr, which will not be a problem.

In a way I feel like all of this is moving way too fast and I have not had time to think about any of it. Then again the longer we wait the more I do think and the more scared and nervous I get. I am really scared of going through this surgery and it not fixing anything and me still being the way I am now. I mean I really do not want to go through all this if it will not fix me. I also know that this is a very risky surgery so of course I am scared of having it but I really don’t see any other options, nothing we are doing is helping anymore.

I just hope insurance will approve it so I can go ahead and have it and get it over with, if not I will be going crazy for one until I hear from them about the insurance and then if they don’t approve I will be going crazy about how to pay for the surgery. I am already going crazy as it is. And just sitting her typing this, I am already hurting so bad I can’t stand it and I have to eat before I take my pain meds and I am not hungry right now. Oh well, I guess the waiting is the worst part and there is nothing we can do to speed up the process. I just hope I don’t lose my mind before then or worse Chicken out.