WOW! The past few days have really been hard for me.Monday I was in a great deal of pain and I think I cried all day and then of course I did not sleep well. I never do, the pain wakes me up. I hate the constant pain and sometimes the pain is so bad I think I would rather be in labor. The mesh stuff is really scary too because if you have a new pain down there you wonder to yourself if something happened, if something is wrong or different. Of course I know this does not help me any but you can’t help but wonder about that stuff, there are so many things that can happen or go wrong. I mean I have already had mesh revision surgery before, if it happened before it can happen again. I was able to go (thanks to my wonderful husband) and get me a walker after he got off work, so that is out of the way. I can breath a little easier now knowing that I have something to help me get around a little better when I need it and it has a seat so if I need to sit right then and there I can. That is cool cause now I don’t have to think well should I sit on the floor and then wonder how I am gonna get up by myself or try to make it to a chair.
Tuesday was an ok day, I had pain of course, there is not a day I don’t have pain, some days are a little better than others. I watched a few movies. Then tried to clean house a little bit. Well all that did was make me upset and piss me off because I was not able to do it.
I found a DR a few hours a way that might be able to remove the mesh. From what I hear they are really good Drs and have been successful in this surgery. I called them on Monday and I have an appointment TOMORROW! So I had to spend a good deal of time filling out online paperwork for them yesterday and by the time I got done I was in so much pain from sitting it was not even funny.
I am really nervous, anxious and scare about this Dr. I am scared I will not be able to make the ride there. I am scared they will not be able to help me. I am scared to the exam and anyone who has this problem knows just how bad these exams hurt. I am scared something might be wrong and I might need surgery like now. I am scared that they will say they can help me and then the surgery does not work (as that is always a possibility). There are just so many things running through my head right now and I am in so much pain that it is not helping the matter either.
I am trying to decide what I should do, if I should pack in case something is wrong or after riding all that way (about 3 hrs) and then exam, me not being able to make the ride back and we have to stay somewhere. My son is taken care of, so I am not worried about him thanks to my best friend but what do I do about me and my hubby. I just don’t know. I am also scared of not making it through any surgeries I might have to have, so maybe that is making my nervous, being anxious and scared worse since I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. I mean there is a reason why I went from almost tolerable pain everyday to the most intolerable pain I have ever have just overnight. I don’t know.
Then there is the money. The Drs are out of network for our insurance and we found our we have no out of network benefits, so the first appointment is pretty expensive. So I don’t know what we are gonna do there. Oh well, I am starting to hurt worse so I need to stretch out. I hope everyone is Meshville is having an ok day so far