Mesh, not just for Fishing anymore!

Archive for the ‘Surgery’ Category

Just taking a break

I just wanted to let everyone knoe I am taking a break while I rest an recover. This surgery took more out of me than I expected. I will be back posting new blogs soon.

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Twas The Night Before Surgery

I wanted to make up some poem or something to rhyme with Twas the night before Christmas, but I am too nervous to think of something witty so I will just leave my thoughts.

As I sit here in the hotel room looking around thinking and wandering I have to say that well to be honest I never would have imagined that I would be in a situation where I had to travel about 3 hours away for medical treatment or surgery (let alone some who have traveled further for this very same issue) but to be honest where I live have some very good doctors so it is weird that I find myself in this situation.

To be honest again I have to say that I am scared out of my mind and the nerves are on full alert mode. I have to be at the hospital at 5 am that is not long from now. I have so many thoughts running through my head. Will I still be in this same kind od pain? Will the surgery work? Will they be able to get alll the mesh? Will there be any complications? Will anything happen to me?

The only thing I can do is to put it in God’s hands. A dear friend has text me some scriptures that helped her and I am fixing to go read them. I just hope I can sleep tonight. I am feeling a bit nasuasiated.

Well unless I blog again tonight before my surgery I will see you on the flip side.

Today is just not a good day.

WOW! Second post from me today. I tell you today, well heck this whole week has not been good, but today I am really not doing good. I am really sleepy, I did not sleep good last night. I am in so much pain that nothing is helping. I have so much still left to do on my To Do list that I can’t seem to make a dent in it and one of them is going to Walmart and I have been putting that off for so long cause it hurts for me to ride in a car and then to even think about shopping…no, but I have no other choice, I have to go at some point today regardless of how I feel to get stuff for the prep before the surgery and things for after the surgery.

Of course, it might do me a bit of good being out, I am tired of being stuck in this house, day in and day out. I am going stir crazy, but that will only be short-lived due to the pain I will suffer for going out. Sigh, the many problems we face with mesh.

I am feeling really bad right now. Bad about myself, feeling like everything is my fault, everything that is wrong is my fault. That I am not a good mom, wife, daughter, friend. That I am a burden to my family and friends. That they should not have to put their life on hold for as long as they have because of me, like I am not worth it. I feel totally worthless and useless. I can’t even get this list stuff done. I am just here, or not here, my mind wanders and as surgery gets close, I find my mind wandering and drifting more and more.

This may well be the most important surgery I may ever have. So much is riding on this surgery and this surgery is no walk in the park, there are some major risks involved with this surgery. I have so many questions running through my mind. Will the surgery work? Will they be able to get all the mesh our? Will I have nerve damage and still be in pain? What will the recovery be like? Will I be in more pain than I am now or less pain during recovery? Will I regret the surgery? What do I do if the surgery does not work or they can’t get all the mesh out?

I just don’t know, part of me don’t even know who I am anymore 😦

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