As I sit here almost in tears, well ok, you got me, in tears from this terrible pain I am in, which is worse today, I was thinking of the last few months and then that got me thinking about the last few years. (Again you will know my story, I am just waiting for some things.) It is sad to say that in times like these you really find out who your true friends are and in some ways what kind of family you have. I have been through alot over the last few years, not just with the mesh but with other personal issues, I have to say none of them have ever been with my marriage, thankfully, it seems that in that area it is strong and grows stronger all the time, but issues with family, friends, children. Some really not so good stuff. Of course issues with my health with the pain, and other health issues, which I now know has been caused by the mesh.
However, you really do find out who is true to you. For example, there was this one friend who I thought was my best friend, I thought of her as my best friend and I thought the feeling was mutual. Well something bad was going on and she dropped me, I don’t remember much due to the issues that I was having but when we rekindled our friendship, she accused my mother in law, saying that she would answer my cell phone and the door and would not let her speak to me. I don’t believe that, other friends got to see me and talk to me. My MIL had to sit with me while my hubby was at work during a time for seizures.
Then this same friend, I started to noticed was only there when she needed something, but when I needed something there was always some excuse but I just ignored it or let it slide. Then another personal issue struck and she really went on the wrong side and we stopped talking, in fact I wanted to beat her butt actually, I know not a mature or Christian thing to do but I was so mad over what had happened. However, I let it slide and welcomed her back into my life yet again. By this time I was being warned by so many people, people who knew her when she was in high school. Telling me she had always been like this, to be careful. My TRUE best friend was so worried about me. This other friend, let’s call her RR, well RR started asking me for pain pills and all kinds of things and it got to where my TRUE best friend (LB) did not even want her in her house. RR would call me all the time, and I mean all the time, no matter what time. It did not matter if I was asleep or what I was going through or if I was in pain, it was all about her, to be honest to her, I was almost her only friend because no one wanted to listen to her or believed her, I had my doubts, I thought she was addicted to pain killers but I wanted to be there for her. I was being taken advantage of. Then things started happening, she only came over for certain reason which I will not say to protect others that I love and I was stuck in a hard spot. Then she left her husband and left and did not tell anyone she was leaving not even me. I worried for almost a week until I finally heard from her. She lied to me telling me things about someone that I knew were not true. Then she left me, she left her husband, she left her 15 yr old son with his dad and she took off to another state to be with this guy she never met, had only talked to on the phone and she took her oldest son with her. She was mad at me because I had had enough of her games and lies and started telling people what I knew and what I felt they needed to know and yet I still tried to reach out to her after she left. I called the guy crying begging him to have her call me or give me her number and he told me that she said do not give her number out specifically to me. That hurt, after all we had been through already and I took her back that her. I have even tried contacting her through email, facebook several times and nothing.
My True best friend LB has been so worried about me, first because of RR and the stress I was going through while she was here, it was draining the life out of me, I was getting no sleep and I was having to keep this secret to keep from hurting others I loved. LB was worried of what it might be doing to me, then she was worried when RR left and did not bother calling or texting me to tell me. Then she was worried when she left for good cause she knew I would be hurt. LB has always been one of my very best friends and sisters even before RR came into the picture. I can confide in her anything and she does not tell anyone. We go out to eat lunch (when I was able too) from time to time, we go get pedicures together, she would come over to just talk, hang out, watch movies, whatever. She works nights and sleeps during the day so we have to make time to see each other but we can go weeks without talking and then pick up right where we left off. She is coming to help me clean some this weekend before my surgery and she had even offered to come up and stay with me after my surgery and bring me home, since her car is newer. She is like a second mom to my son. I love her so much.
But y ou can also find friends when you least expect it. When one door closes another door opens. Right after RR left, I found LK, LF, AG, TB and RO, these are all women who are going through the same things that I am with mesh and I have became friends with them. They understand my feelings, they lift me up when I am down, they encourage me. I enjoy their friendships and trust their advice, I honestly feel without them I would not have made it this far.
I also have a friend, a sister in Christ that I wish I could talk to more and visit more and it is actually ashamed that we don’t considering how close we live to each other. We have been talking more lately and I love our talks. She has the most strength and faith in God, I have ever seen and I wish I had that much. Her son is going through so much right now, I don’t know how she does it, well Yes I do, as she mentioned on her blog, it is from God that gets her through. The talks that we have had lately, the little texts, even the ones that checks to see if I got anything from my To Do list done, the encouragement I get from her have all blessed me in ways that I don’t think she will ever know. AV Thank you from t he bottom of my heart for all you do, you are the best mother to your children, a wonderful wife, a wonderful friend and a devout Child of God. I hope we can work on building on friendship.
And then you find friends that you had all along and never even realized it until something happens. MB and CB from the ball field, thanks for your prayers and encouragement and being there. I love you guys.
I could keep writing about this topic, but my point is, be careful, not everyone is really your friend, not everyone is as they might seem and some may have different motives and not from their heart but for their own gain to being your friend. You do not need those. You need friends that will lift you up when needed, be there no matter what storm is going on, laugh and cry with you. And you need to be the same kind of friend, just be careful and don’t let others take advantage of you.
Well I have written enough and I need to get started on some of my To DO list to prepare for surgery.
God Bless you all,